Stepping It Up.

One of the beautifully challenging parts of this summer is that it has really gotten me to pin point what it is I truly enjoy doing. What are the things that I have been telling myself I like and what are the things that, at the end of a long day, or on my time off I really want to spend time doing? Things like this become very apparent when you are completely alone and making these decisions for yourself with every single new day.

It's scary and intimidating to think that things you thought you loved may not fulfill you in the way that you had once thought they had. But what is also thrilling is seeing things that you didn't take too seriously really show themselves to be important and vital to your happiness.

I'm still in this process right now-- throwing away the old mold of me and getting the chance at a new chunk of marble to begin chipping away at. And let me tell you, it's completely wonderful and terrible and stressful and all consuming. The end product may end up exactly the same or, who knows? It may be a completely different piece when it's finished.

Let's talk blogging. It's crazy to think that this blog, in some form or another, has been around for three years now. Something that started out as a simple way to keep in contact with family and friends has slowly become a place of identity for me and one of the things that I truly do enjoy doing. And, as weird and small and insignificant as it if feels for me to say this, I believe that other people (the wonderfully limited number of loyal friends) enjoy it too.

The idea of promoting or speaking to other people about this blog has, in the past, been extremely hard for me and I felt that by telling people about my blog, it was inviting them into a world that I wasn't yet comfortable sharing. Whether that fear was because of the possibility of criticism or the implied accountability I was taking on for the things that I type here, I don't think I was ready or willing. I have been asked before what my blog is about. The simple, although sort of awkward answer is this: It's a blog completely about me. The thought of gaining readers or at least trying to gain readers on the concept of your own life just seemed/seems extremely ridiculous and self absorbed.

Yesterday, while playing around with the header, I was really thinking seriously about what I want this blog to be. Right now, it sort of feels like I'm at a plateau. This blog can either go on for however long blogs are going to be around and I can continue to write about what I write about and you, whoever you are out there, is going to read what I write and hopefully like it. Or it's time to try to make something out of this. To take the thing(s) that I truly do enjoy in my life and doing something with them.

And that scares me. Because I might try and fail. And I might try and get no more than one extra reader than I do now. And I might have to embarrass myself by putting myself out there and getting nothing in return.

But I feel like this summer is as good a time as any to be embarrassed about putting myself out there. I need to believe in my own potential. Something that history shows I am not too good at.

This declaration means a few things for the blog.

It means planning.
It means learning to take actual pictures with my actual camera.
It means responding to your comments after I read them.
It means quality control.
It means no more long ranting posts about how stressed I am.
Wait. I'm not even going to pretend to promise that.
It means less long ranting posts about how stressed I am.
It means proofreading!
And editing!
And proofreading again!
It means trying to get sponsors.
It means sprucing up the place a bit with some fancy new buttons.
It means promoting myself. Yuck. Gross. I cringe at the thought.
It means actually being a writing minor. Like actually doing it. Like taking writing classes.

But I want to try.

Why not, right?

Ok, but I need all of your help right now. I'm going to ask a huge favor of you all who read this blog-- whether it's been for a week or for every post for the last three years. I need to do a little research (as to what the heck to do next BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA!) and I would absolutely LOVE it if you could send me an e-mail with an answer to the following questions:

1. How did you hear about Bushka?
2. What made you start regularly reading this blog?
3. What is something that you like about this blog?
4. What are some things that bug you about it? (HONESTY, people. I promise, I won't cry)
5. What do you like reading about/ what don't you like to read about?
6. Do you think that this blog has the potential to gain more readers or is this just a moment of insanity from a girl that has been spending way too much time eating cupcakes alone recently?

My e-mail is jannep924@gmail.com.

Ok. Here we go. I'm nervous to post this. Step 1. It's happening. Click the button. Click it. Cliiiick it. Click it click it click it. Now. Post. It's just a blog. Click.