Pie Week: Baked

The following is an exact transcription from note's taken live, on site, during pie consumption:

Baked:

Red Hook, Brooklyn

That awkward moment when you're the only person in the whole entirety of Marc Jacobs International that isn't 21 on Margarita Fridays.

Plus side: This means I get off of work at 4:00.

I suppose this is God's way of telling me he's a fan of pie week.

Off to Brooklyn I go.

8 train stops. 

Finally in Red Hook.

Toto, we're not in manhattan anymore.

This is definitely Brooklyn Brooklyn.

Not hipster Brooklyn.

Jay-Z Brooklyn.

I do like this mural, though. 

The things I do for this blog.

Was not expecting such a far walk from the train station. 

Let it be known that this is a sketchy part of town. 

If I go missing and someone finds this phone, know that I was in pursuit of pie. 

It's a million degrees out. 

This better be a la mode.

No, seriously, I think I'm being followed.

I'm here. 

This looks promising.

Super cool vibe. 

So cool, that I'm allowed to use the word "vibe."

Me likey.

THEY HAVE NO PIE.

THEY ARE OUT OF PIE. 

THEY HAVE NO PIE. 

THERE IS NO PIE HERE. 

NO PIE. 

BUT. 

BUT.

BUT. 

THERE'S NO PIE. 

IS THIS A JOKE.

I feel faint.

The woman behind the counter asks me if I'd like anything else instead.

Anything else instead!? 

No!

I'm here for PIE!!!! 

The pie that you guys are famous for!

I feel like a cat out of a bag. 

I'm mixing up two phrases.

I feel like a wild cat.  

I feel like a Cat out of Hell. 

I stand there speechless for about 20 seconds before I verbally and mentally crash by saying "ummmmmm...." and holding the mmmm sound for a solid 15 extra unnecessary seconds before telling her Im going to need a second.

Ok, Julia. 

Regroup.

I suppose I will partake in a grasshopper bar. 

And I need an iced coffee.

They don't have decaf.

Coffee is a no-go.

$10 minimum on credit cards.

I have no cash.

This isn't my day.

3 more blocks to an ATM. 

Did I mention that it feels like its 98 degrees out today with 85% humidity?

OK. 

Back at the bakery.

I pay.

I sit. 

I eat.

This grasshopper bar isn't even that good.

I've never been so ambivalent about a dessert in my whole life.

God? 

Are you listening? 

I know you read what I blogged about earlier-- when I said I was sick of pie... 

But I take it all back! 

I didn't know what I was saying. 

I'm sorry. 

I'll never smite Pie Week again. 

Just give me a chance to prove myself. 

Please!

This ice water is delicious though.


Today, I learned a hard lesson.
Something about not realizing what you have until its gone or whatever. 

Overall Baked Pie Week Grade:

DISQUALIFIED.

PIE WEEK FAIL.