Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Thoughts over Key Lime Pie

I am more a visitor here than I am a daughter
Conversations are shorter and then they get longer after a few days of wiping the dust off
Conversations feel urgent. I need to tell you this before Christmas.
We talk about harder things than we used to, because life is more matte
There are babies and there are husbands and there are boyfriends and there is not enough time to catch up
Especially with all of the luggage that I brought back with me from New York 
I always trip over the sentence "We lived in the east village" because it feels like a story that I'm making up
Kaits and I lie in the grass and for a few seconds it's quiet and sleepy because we're both so warm and happy
1881, 523, 307, 1018, 1841, 1835, 117, 1817
I think my stomach hurts more often because I know that I've really done it this time
I've really changed and they see it too 
So there's nothing else to do but eat bean and cheese burritos pretending that they taste as good as they used to
I don't know what I want. They don't know what they want. But the suitcases are in the hall and school starts on the 16th. 

I've never been more unsure. 
And I don't want to talk about it.