I apologize in advance for the monstrosity that is this post. Whoever does read this (if anyone), thank you. It means a lot that someone is willing to read my blabber. Please comment with input. I value your opinions more than you know.
Me oh my. Ok, people. Majorly exciting/scary/confusing things going on in my life right now. So, remember when I posted this little diddy about declaring my major? Well, I never thought I'd be one of those kids, but it seems that things may, in fact, be changing.
Let's back up a little bit to get the full story:
It all started last Friday when I went to the first official Fashion Design meeting. The purpose of the meeting was to introduce the new chairman of the department and to talk about the upcoming events. I had been looking forward to the meeting all week and couldn't wait to be amongst the other fashion students and get the ball rolling on my time in the Eckburg building. When I walked into the huge room where the meeting was taking place, an overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed overwhelmed me. Everyone in the room was so put together and intimidating and, me, little miss freshman over in the corner wanted to just about jump out of her skin. My eyes were darting all over the room the whole meeting and slowly adding up in my head all the reasons why I shouldn't be there. I walked out of the meeting like a zombie and for the rest of the day (the rest of the weekend really) I was reeling from self-doubt completely convinced that fashion is totally a pipe dream and NOT where I'm supposed to be. What do I have to offer? There is no way that I'll actually be able to do what I really want to do in fashion. My goals are impractical. Blah blah blah.
Still completely consumed in this storm of emotion, the last few days have been very introspective. Moody Jujie came to Savannah for a very unwelcome visit.
And as if I needed anything else to conjure up self-doubt, we all decided to take the Enneagram test on Saturday and, completely forgetting about the last time I took this test and how much I hated the (completely accurate) results, I was torn up by the negative parts of my apparently "challenging" personality. Enneagram, how dare you tell me that I'm domineering, intimidating and take pleasure out of controlling people! You don't know me! I'm an 8 by the way....The Challenger...hate that. And for those of you who know what the Enneagram is and are arguing that there are positive and negative parts to each personality, let me ask you this: Would you rather be labeled as something like "The Enthusiast," "The Loyalist," "The Helper," OR "THE CHALLENGER!!! RAAAWWRRRRR!!!!!" See what I mean?
Anyway, back to the subject:
So on Monday, I decided to leave the Pity Party and check out of Hopeless Hotel before overstaying my welcome. I was fairly productive all day (nothing to write home about) but at night we decided to go to kickboxing (absolutely loved it) and then check out the Fibers major club meeting. It's no secret if you've read this blog at all for the last 5 months that I'm becoming more and more obsessed with knitting and crocheting. And the fact that my favorite gift this Christmas was a gift card to a yarn store should tell you something. And although I'm not involved with fibers right now, Claire is a fibers major, I had a class in the Fibers building last quarter and Spencer, Frances and me are all becoming increasingly interested in what that area has to offer.
We went straight from the gym to avoid getting there late and in turn, getting there about 30 minutes early. While we were waiting in the halls in awe of the beautiful felt installations and weaving that was displayed throughout the building, a woman stopped and asked us if we needed any help. We told her we were there for the meeting and she introduced herself to us as Kaioa (think Iowa) and she told us she was the chairman of the department. Once we told her we were all baby freshman still figuring out what we wanted to do, she asked if we had any questions and let us pick her brain until the meeting started. So, so helpful. Walking into the room, I already felt so welcome. There were about 20 people there all coming up to us and introducing themselves with big, friendly smiles (something surprisingly rare at SCAD). Turns out, last night was a yarn swap where everyone brings in extra yarn or fabric they have lying around and you can take whatever you want-- and they let us take as much as we wanted even though we didn't bring anything! Take that awesome grey skein of yarn? Don't mind if I do. The rest of the yarn goes to a program one of the girls started at the local YMCA called "Loop it Up" where they teach kids how to craft, knit, crochet or whatever they want to learn. So cool. Through the meeting, I listened in on tons of conversations about all the cool things people are doing with fibers right now. Everything from working for Target designing their home good and children's clothes to people working on farms harvesting alpaca wool.
I was also able to talk to this girl who is a Fibers major and Fashion minor and she had some great advice and insight. It was very helpful to hear from someone who had been in a similar position as me now. Also! Did I mention the whole thing also was a potluck!? Food and Fibers! What's not to love!?
All this to say that by the end of the night, there were some major planning explosions going off in my head. A decision that I thought I had finally settled on is being tossed around in my head right now and I'm back at a place I hate. A place of not knowing what to do.
So here are the facts as of right now:
- I love fashion.
- I love fibers.
- I want both of them to be in some way apart of my life.
Oh! And then there's writing! Which is still so intriguing to me and becoming more and more of a passion of mine. Ughhh...
I guess this all boils down to the fact that there is so much I want to learn for the first time in my life and the path I take is completely up to me. This is terrible and great at the same time. So I guess this is a good thing?
Julia. You're beautiful. You can do this. And "this" being whatever it is you want/choose to do. Don't worry about it now. You have the world in front of you.
ReplyDeleteI want to come visit. For reals. I love and miss you. And yes, I did read the entire entry. Just because I love you and your blog.
Jujubeeee -- I think you're a 7 -- look at all your interests!! Love it that the world is exploding open before you, although I know this presents new challenges / decisions / quandry ... the cool thing is you don't have to decide it all right now, and there is One who is with you every step of the way and (weird), but, He knows what your afternoon, your tomorrow, your next week and the rest of your life is going to look like. So, relax, trust, breathe, abide, and enjoy! And... dream and don't worry about being impractical... don't worry it's not been done before . . .don't worry you can't (it's not your power anyway... sorry)... embrace, reach out, explore, attempt, fail, succeed, delight in the process...
ReplyDelete1. Wow - I need a blog
2. I remember the first time you did the eneagram test .. . not a happy day :o) BUT YOU ROCK THE ... how do you spell Casbah??? Seriously, you are one of the most wonderful, amazing people I know ... truly.
3. I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!!
dear julia,
ReplyDeleteit is an important decision, and it seems to me kind of harsh to expect you to make a decision right now. are you sure you have to declare it this year? if the answer is "yes" to this question, my response might be a little different than if it is "no." but not by much. (note/warning: this is coming from a gal who changed her major at the second semester of her junior year! tricky, but not impossible, and also one of the best decisions God has helped me make:o)
First, it is my understanding (albeit a limited one) that fibers are directly related to fashion, so it doesn't seem like they are mutually exclusive. it just seems like if you choose fibers as a major, you get to learn the nitty gritty about something that sounds INCREDIBLE. maybe it is just me getting excited about starting a cooperative with you...i raise the alpaca, you use the wool for beautiful creations...i was inspired by our discussion at bamboo bistro that involved fibers. Anyway, this is not about me, but you sound really interested in what fibers has to offer. Not to mention the general good vibrations coming from the people that make up the major.
Not to say that you choose fibers because it is a less scary major. Do you have to be a fashion major to DO what you think you want to do? I know you are trying to pick a road that leads to a profession that you want, but sometimes it is an unlikely road that gets us there. Would a fibers major give you that edge on other fashion majors...would it help you to shape your sense of design and fashion outlook? Thankfully, it is not a moral decision, and God will bless either decision ( i honestly believe this and try to live my life by this idea), but what inspires you most and will help you get out of bed in the morning? pick the major that will enrich your current journey, and try to entrust the unforeseen future into the hands of God.
I miss you Juj. thanks for letting us back at home follow your journey. it is a bloody interesting one. i love reading.
lovelovelovedionna
Julia, you suffer from the "disease" of being to talented at a number of things instead of just one and being very intelligent on top of it all. It is a gift AND a curse. Hang in there, it will all work itself out. And, yes, I read the whole thing too. (by the way, I still haven't figured out for sure what I want to be when I grow up)
ReplyDelete~Aunt Sue
I 100% agree with Aunt Sue! You are so incredibly talented at such an array of things of course it will be impossible for you to choose one! One of your many talents is being very smart, so you will find a way to connect all of these interests into one amazingly wonderful and fulfilling career. And I know you are probably tired of hearing this, but you are only a freshman so you have lots of time to figure this out. Even though this is supposed to be comforting, I am like you and HATE when things aren't figured out so I understand how frustrating it us. I have actually been considering alterante careers besides teaching this last semester so if I can veer from my 15 year career goal you can too.haha You'll figure it out...I have faith(:
ReplyDelete-Tenin
That's one of those "hardest" things...looking at all the incredible options out there and having to pick one to reach some short-term goal (like graduation or the career for the first 5 years). Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to soak in all the nuances of each interest--some you'll get right away, others will take decades or off-the-charts coinkidinks before you slide into the cool parts. Try not to be frustrated because you feel you're neglecting something you really wanted to try but haven't gotten around to yet. You'll meet some incredible person who has nailed that interest and is gonna blow your mind with a "chance" conversation, insight or realization so you figure it out the Julia Way. He does that, ya know--arranges those chance encounters that lead to a paradigm shift. Also, know thyself (you may already?) so you don't take the same approach as everyone else to a new interest--yeah, see the way everyone else does it, but put your "8" spin on it. (No, my expertise on the enneagram is a 1 out of 10. Hafta talk to my enneagram expert friend Rachel about that.) Leave room for creativity and surprises. And go the opposite direction once in awhile.
ReplyDelete--
Uncle Stuart