Wishing

This Christmas, my list is small. But, it is strategic and thorough. I think I've reached the stage in my life where I am finally starting to understand the genius behind the old saying "Less is more." And the beauty of it all is that each of you are totally more than welcome to buy any of the items for me. Seriously! It won't make me mad, like, at all! 

Ok. So, let's get down to business:

Typewriter. We've talked about this before. This gift has  total tear potential. That's right. Tears of iconic Christmas for the books proportions. But, it has got to be right. Cool looking and in working condition. Consider this one, perhaps? 

Kinfolk Magazine Subscription. Call me an annoying hipster if you'd like, but I love, love, love, this magazine. Besides the fact that it would be my dream to work for them in absolutely ANY capacity or to be even the most annoying of flies on the wall for one of their legendary dinner parties, for now I'll  settle for just soaking up the pages of what represents the exciting new generation of print publications. (here)

Moroccan Oil. This stuff is like crack cocaine for my hair. No matter what color is on my head or what the cut may look like, Moroccan Oil never let's me down. And it smells like I'm on vacation. (here)

Yoga Passes. I. Love. Yoga. For some reason that I do not know, I easily forget just how much I love it. Actually- I do know the reason: I'm poor and I can't afford it! But then, when I save my pennies and find myself at the end of a class in Child's Pose and Shavasana, I realize how happy a good sweaty yoga mat can make me. (here)

Denim Vest. Spencer Malinski pulls off a denim vest like nobodies business. Sometimes I borrow it and pretend like I'm as cool as her. And although I know that I'll never quite make it to her level, I'm going to make a real fighting effort with this one from Madewell. (here)

These flats. (mostly because they're named after yours truly) (here)

These pants. Because... they are like... sweats... that you can wear in real life. I mean... what else is there to discuss? (here)

What's on your list this year? 

Salted Caramel Brownies

THIS MUST  HAPPEN TODAY. GET IN MY BELLY. 

Recipe: The Best Salted Caramel Brownies

You'll need:

1 cup (2 sticks) butter

4 1-oz. squares of dark chocolate

2 cups sugar

4 eggs

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 cup caramel topping (this is my favorite)

1 tsp. good quality sea salt 

What to do: 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and grease a 9x13 inch baking pan.

In a 3-quart saucepan over very low heat, melt butter and chocolate, stirring the mixture constantly. Remove from heat, and stir the sugar into the chocolate. Allow the mixture to cool slightly. 

Beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each, then stir in the vanilla. Combine the flour and 1/2 tsp. salt in a separate bowl, then stir into the chocolate mixture. 

Spread the batter evenly into the prepared pan. Drizzle the caramel atop the batter, and use a knife to swirl over the surface. Sprinkle sea salt over the caramel.

Bake for 30 to 35 minutes. Brownies are done when a toothpick inserted into the center come out clean. Cool in pan on wire rack.

Marketing

I went grocery shopping today (or, "marketing" as I, and everyone else in my family calls it... even though we may get made fun of from time to time...) and when I came home and started unloading all my goods, I noticed something sort of funny. Without even thinking, I started to clear out a shelf in the fridge and in the pantry to put my "Julia" stuff, just like I do at school. It's nice to be home and be able to put as much food in the fridge as I want or to disperse all of my food evenly throughout every single shelf in the freezer instead of a special section just for me. Funny how little weird things like that stick with you.

That's it. Just a funny little thought. 

PS- As much as I love this food storage freedom that comes with being home, I must say that I am now issuing a formal complaint to the other three inhabitants of my home for unlawful thievery in regards to  Oreos which do not belong to them. Whatever little mouse is stealing my double stufs is messing with the extensive Oreo eating schedule and regimen that I have perfectly crafted. BACK OFF! 

Tired

I am going through something that I think I want to share.

Have you ever gone through a time in your life that just seemed harder? And not for a specific reason and nothing that is tangible or terribly hard is going on, but you feel like you're in the weeds? Well, over the last handful of months, I have been feeling awfully dry. Creatively bored, uninspired by what's going on around me, both in school and personally, and I've been finding it quite hard to be motivated by life. 

I think it started this summer. The day in and day out of depending completely on myself (and God) to see things in a positive light through all of the challenges was very difficult-- more than I think I really realize or give credit to even now. The experience of finally being thrown into the industry that I've wanted to be apart of  for the better part of my entire life was overwhelming and it, of course, was totally impossible for it to live up to the expectations that I had custom crafted for so, so many years. The good parts seemed great, but the bad parts surprised me and left me questioning everything (again) about my future and what I want it to look like. When it was all over and I was starting up this school year, I  was already in a place that felt so tired and drained.

It was hard for me to get myself to class, hard for me to pay attention, hard for me to remember what were the things that I loved about fashion-- and writing, for that matter. Finding inspiration and a reason to blog, something that in the past has been such a place of comfort and joy, has been really difficult. Even now that this quarter is over, it is still hard for me to really hit the reset button and a find a fresh start.

I'm struggling with who I am and what I want out of my life-- right now and for the future. But then I am reminded that I don't have any control over that... and so I struggle with that too. This is the sort of questioning that leads to questioning which leads to questioning which brings us back to questioning,  finally resting at the annoying answer of the fact that there simply is no answer. Frustrating.

This sort of thing ends up playing with my mood and my self esteem and how I interact with the people in my life. Even my sleeping has been affected (that fact that I, Julia Patton, am finding it hard to sleep... I think that pretty much sums it all up right there.) I just don't really feel like myself. Since coming home, my sweet mother, in a soft and caring voice, has mentioned a couple of times that I seem sad. And she is right, but when she asks me what is wrong, I don't know what to say. It's just life. And it's just a season. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know that I am in His hands through it all.

I've been going back and forth with whether or not to blog about these trials because I didn't know what good it would do and, honestly, it's taken me about four days to write this all down, but it  felt like  something that I needed to. Through all of this, it's been difficult to take myself and whatever is going on seriously because I am so extremely blessed in my life and for some people in the world, my worst day would be their very best, but I also don't want to just gloss over an emotion that is real to me. Hopefully that makes sense. 

Haiku #5

Thanks Giving

Pull it out of me

And tell me to be grateful

I'll blush and wonder

Thank you.

Give Thanks

So, I know I'm a little late in the game and most of you won't read this until tomorrow (Friday) and the idea of giving thanks will be soooo over for the next 364 days, but from where I'm sitting, there are still 30 minutes of Thanksgiving left and I am going to celebrate until it is officially done. 

With that being said, homegirl is pretty pooped, so I'm going to make this quick. 

This is what we will call the "Thanksgiving Short List" because goodness knows I could be typing up a list about good things in my life until next year, so let's just hit the VIP's: 

(in no particular order)

• Bird watching
• People watching
• People smiles
• Baby smiles
• My Home(s)
• Foxy Loxy Decaf Mocha
• My Family
• Getting to have really really great and encouraging conversations with my family
• My grandpa's stories
• Gigi's laugh
• The most genuinely kind heart in the entire world of Grandma Bunny
• My legs, for walking and otherwise
• Napping
• The ever-fulfilling need/ability to create
• My friends... all of them... but especially the really really good ones. The kind that fill me up. 
• My dad's compliments
• My mom's hugs
• My sister's patience
• Adventure
• GOD (please re-note the fact that I said that these were in no real order because goodness knows this guy should shoot straight up to the top of the list)
• Cold weather (Ok- more like my kind of cold weather. I'm talking 40s and 50s. Before I start to really complain)
• Chocolate souffle. Namely the one that is still hanging out in my belly (and will soon make a swift transition to my love handles) from earlier this evening. Damn. I am thankful for you.
• A good movie
• Quiet
• And then loud
• Struggle
• Struggle
• Struggle
• Triumph
• Household appliances. Seriously. Unsung heroes. 
• Music
• A perfectly spicy yellow curry
• Vintage dresses with princess seams
• The fact that life is just barely beginning
• When the ocean is sparkly

And with that, I think I'm gonna call it. Where can you go after a sparkly ocean, you know? It's a tough one to follow. I hope all of you are fast asleep in your tryptophane comas, dreaming of Christmas lights and Holiday cookies. 

'Tis officially the season, my friends! 

Slow Roll

People, people, people...

Here I am: Day three of Winter Break.

I suck at blogging lately. For that, I am eternally sorry.

I feel off my groove. Or off my jam. Or I'm out of jam. And the milk is old. You know what I mean?

But, I have heard from my people (Mom, Grandma Bunny and Dionna) and the people have said that blogging while off said rocker or groove or jam or whatever is far better than no blogging at all.

I've only been home for a few days, but I'm already seeing some of my favorite consistencies of my long lost Southern California come out of the woodwork and I couldn't be more jazzed about it.

Average Temperature: 68.
Food: So far ALL Mexican.
Sleep: Whenever, wherever.
Homework: Nonexistent

And on top of all that, I've clocked 1 gelato run, 2 sleepovers, 1 breakfast cupcake, a trip to the movies and like 8,000 other little things that make me the happiest clam in the entire ocean.