The Fear

I am growing ever more fascinated when I hear people talk about their lives and say things like "I grew up in (insert town) and then went to college in (insert town) and then I got a job in (insert town) and I've been there ever since!"

First of all, I have to acknowledge that you will be hearing me say something quite similar in a few years (which is probably why I've taken note). But when I hear people state their progression so matter-of-factly, it makes me wonder if my transitions from place to place in life will ever become so effortless? Instead of taking months and months of thought, consideration and anxiety when deciding to make a life change, will I be able to jump to something with no inhibitions and attack it with full force? Will I ever look back on the past as just a simple series of experiences or will those places like my hometown, mean more to me? I wonder if there was more to their decision than what their simple answer implied.

When Kaitlin was really sick, I remember talking to her about how much she hated when people would casually ask her how she was doing. Being the best and most gracious conversationalist I know, she'd respond with a polite, "I'm doing OK. Thank you for asking! How are you doing?" We talked about how from that point on, it'd be much more honest and genuine if she replied with, "Actually, my stomach feels like someone has pelted it with a nail gun a few dozen times, I feel like the room is closing in on me and standing up and talking to you right now is everything I can do to not vomit all over you. Thank you for asking! How are you doing?" Of course, she never did because that would be completely uncomfortable, BUT my point is that I wish it didn't have to be so uncomfortable. I wish instead of a stock answer about the progression of your life someone would go over the tears and homesickness of moving, but also the joy of exploring somewhere new on your own with confidence in your ability to adjust and grow and progress.

So, lookout, people. The next time you ask me how I'm doing, let's just hope I'm not in a talkative mood.