Thanks.

Oh me oh my.

I miss this. I miss sitting down and spilling it all. Typing and laughing to myself, but feeling like I'm laughing with you all too.

Do you ever have those kinds of friends that you are so, so close with and then through life, things change (the way life has a way of way too easily pulling off) and then it's like a Wednesday and you're in line at Starbucks you see something that reminds you of that person? So, you want to text them, but you wonder if in the time between way back when you were friends and now, this very moment, at Starbucks, you've somehow changed the truth of what your friendship once was-- you've polished it and put it on the top shelf of the trophy case-- and you feel like sending a text would be so random and weird and embarrassing. And, I mean, worst, worst, case scenario, they probably deleted your number from their phone. 'Sorry, who is this? Sorry-- I got a new phone and all of my contacts got deleted.' Ugh. I can't even... So you don't text them to tell them about the thing you just saw that made you think of them-- something you would have done impulsively a while ago.

About 75% of the time I don't send that text. But then 25% of the time, I do. And I don't think there has been one time that I've regretted sending that text.

Today, I'm sending that text.

Hi.

It's me.

It's been a while.

But I saw something today at Starbucks that reminded me of you.

Hi

I know, I know, I know.

I've missed you guys a lot too.

Every day I don't blog, I get a little angrier with myself knowing that in a few years, when I look back at this time and there is a big, huge, sinkhole of information on the fall quarter of my senior year, I'll be kicking myself. But, truth be told, I'm kind of freaking a little bit out about my life right now. There are huge changes that are happening every day when it comes to my personal life, or my classes, or my senior project, or the fact that my imaginary mental life goal line for maybe the last 10 years (that is the end of college) is fast approaching and all of that has been very hard for me to handle. The other day, I was in the car talking to my friends and I said something like "Next year, on my birthday, we need to..." and then it suddenly hit me that next year, on my birthday, 'we need to' isn't really a thing anymore. And so I started waling in dismay. Which changed nothing. Who the heck knows where I'll be in a year? (In case you're curious, the short list of contenders in my mind happen to be New York, LA, Somewhere in Maine, Paris, or unemployed in a tent in my parents back yard) (Some of those are based in reality, while some, clearly, are not.) Anyway, I feel like I've been blogging less because maybe the things that I am blogging about are 'lasts' and it makes me sad. Actually, delete that part in the last sentence where I say 'I feel like' and 'maybe' and replace them with 'I definitely have' and 'for sure.'

I've been falsely keeping myself distracted with overcast thoughts about my future with many things, but mainly these things:

Allegiant- the third in the Divergent Series of books by Veronica Roth. It all ended with Allegiant. I mean... the ending... I'm not going to ruin in... but woah. Didn't see it coming. Put me in a complete tailspin for a good 48 hours.

Running- I mentioned this before (I feel like I'm not really on top of my creative writing groove) but I've been pretending to like running for the last two months. I thought surely by now I'd be totally into it. But I'm so not. I'm going to keep doing it because I keep telling myself it has to be making some sort of difference (although I'm not convinced) but I don't have to like it.

Napping- what's new?

Homeland- this show is so good. It's the kind of good that makes you talk out loud to the TV screen and the characters when you're watching it alone in a room.

And then also- Turning my space heater on the 'oscillator' setting and just going to town for a few hours. Back and forth. Back and forth. This might come off as cocky, but I'm a pretty good starer.

No, but seriously about that whole Paris thing. Why the hell not? The only French word I know is 'Cronut' but I could pick it up pretty quickly, right? What are your guys' thoughts?

Damn, shorty.

At the risk of sounding cocky, I looked good today. 

Nothing crazy. 

I didn't suddenly lose 15 lbs. overnight and, by magazine standards, my hair could stand to be a little less frizzy, but all-in-all, something was different. Something was working. 

These days don't happen often and so believe me when I say that I notice it just as much... actually, probably way more than the people around me do, but I can say, with pretty much, almost, no... definitely all confidence that today, things were clicking. And when these moments come skipping into your life with the ease and effortlessness of an 8 year old on a playground, you document the dang thing on your blog because who knows when the next time it is going to happen. 

Do you know what I'm talking about? I hope you do. I hope that you've been there with me sometime semi-recently because, I gotta say, gosh, it feels pretty nice. 

I don't want to put too much thought into it and have the feeling flutter away like when you try and remember detail for detail of a really good dream, but for my own reference, I'm just going to jot down a few key points of possibly influential factors for future cross-referencing in case this sort of cellularly imperfect, wonderful weather, perfect storm of confidence happens again. 

• Rachel Comey Boots- snagged these puppies this summer with Spencer at a heavenly sample sale in a Soho Jewish Community Center gymnasium. It was a particularly hot day that I could've missed altogether if I hadn't done the responsible thing and ditched out on work. Can you imagine the loss? They might be the most important thing I own. Like, top 5 in a list of things your grab when your house is on fire. Ok, no. Top 2. And, in Lindsay's words, they really encompass the new style rapture that is what she has coined as "New Juj." For the record, New Juj is Old Juj. Which is to say exactly the same as I was before, but with new cool boots. 
• Showering- This concept, I am just really coming to find after 22 years of denial, is truly not overrated. I still don't love it. Getting all wet... drying off... yesterdays mascara somehow dripping, but also cemented under my eyes... my wet feet picking up random stuff off the floor. Such a freakin' hassle, yamiright? I mean, I'm not going to paint a picture of myself as some disgusting, cesspool of germs, but I will say, I never realized how different one looks when one takes on the responsibility of showering every day vs. maybe, like, once every 2 (ok 3) days instead. I finally get it. You win, mom.  
• "Running"- The increase in showering is due to a sudden and unprecedented increase in working out. Spurts like this tend to happen in my life where I get really into the gym just long enough to stop feeling like I'm going to puke by the time I finish working out, but then suddenly my tennis shoes start collecting dust and the whole thing just sort of goes away until the next season of Biggest Loser finishes and I feel guilted into working out again. But without jinxing myself, this gym crush has kind of stuck and I've been a bit more strategic and extremely dedicated to the idea of becoming a runner. Ugh. Typing that kind of makes me hate myself. It was my #1 cause and crusade in high school to be the anti runner out of my group of friends and really, anti working out in general (says the girl who gained a nice and sexy 15 lbs of cupcake weight at her after school job). But, I've been coming around to the idea lately. Anyway, for now, I put running in quotes, because my workouts are still a nice blend of jogging and heavy panting, but I think Dr. Oz was right all of those years-- a healthy Oprah is a happy Oprah.
• A good critique- I could feel the winds of positivity blowing across my face even before I had class, but let's not dismiss the power and altogether major positive vibes a great critique on a project can give you. Actually, forget great critique. Let's give it up for just neutral critiques sometimes, right? Getting out of class alive without a laundry list of complaints and your dignity  still intact is a win these days, let me tell you.   
• Rachel Comey Boots, Part II (Heels)- Let's revisit the boots because I don't think you're totally sold on their magical powers yet. Did I mention these boots have a heel? A big, old, chunky one that screams comfort while also managing to give me a little leg elongating action. I feel like a lady, but also a cool lady, ya know? 
• Curly hair- Let's just say when you've got hair as unruly as mine, there are good days and there are bad days. Today: a good day. 

Other factors

• Orange Dress, Navy Sweater
• Justin Bieber's new song- Guys. This is going to sound crazy, but hear me out. I swear he is singing to me. 

*I considered documenting the thing in a picture but I didn't want to clear out the facade of amazingness by possibly stumbling on some bad lighting or an unflattering angle that my iPhone self-timer could easily achieve. Let's keep this moment in our minds full of smoke in mirrors and pink clouds and unicorns, yeah? Besides, who am I kidding. The peak of this moment has passed and I'm typing this post from my bed in sweats. These Lulu Lemons are a cruel mistress. 

Haig Point. Because I want to.

School can get stressful. Especially right before midterms when you get really slammed with work. But with weather still so nice around here, who has the time to sit inside all day and bury oneself in homework? When presented with the choice of working alone (on school projects that will eventually get done anyway) or twerking (figuratively and emotionally) with all of your best friends at a friend's grandparent's vacation home on a nearby island paradise, it's an easy choice to make. 

Other mid-quarter vacation justifying reasons include but are not limited to: Ferry rides. Golf carts. Porch swings. Sunsets. Laughing. Memories. Because it's senior year. Because I want to. Because the entire weekend cost me $1.50. Because anything that could hypothetically be 'the last time' makes me do crazy things. And because of delicious gluten free apple cake that you're allowed to eat at any time of day. Even though it's cake and you've just woken up about 7 minutes earlier. 

This sunset could've been enough. Seriously. Would've done it all. All over again. Just for the sunset. And the wind in m' face. 

Being near the water does wonders for some of us...                                                 (Spencer)

And then let's talk about the porches at Claire's grandparent's house. With their blue ceilings and their magical swinging chairs. I sat on that porch swing just long enough that I felt like I was still rocking as I was falling asleep later that night. Ahh, sweet, sweet, blissful vacation perks. It's the little things, ya know? 

Little hams. 

What's better than a porch swing? A porch BED. Especially one piled high and deep with friends and iced tea. My future self will look at this picture and wonder what 22 year old Julia and all of her young, cool, friends must've been talking about for hours. Well, let me tell you: The complexities of the iPhone game, Dots. Ex-boyfriend birthday card etiquette. What defines 'ex-boyfriend' in the first place. At what point in the day would it be appropriate to eat more apple cake. The hypothetical (or perhaps, not so hypothetical) possibility of running away and staying in Haig point FOR EH VER. Prunes. Throwing hot dogs down hallways and what that truly looks like. And then, of course, the ever-interesting and always reliable conversation starter trifecta of boys, weddings, and our looming futures. 

Lindsay and Susie joined us later in the weekend and so we all caravanned around the island to meet them at the dock when the ferry dropped them off. We were making quite the spectacle. Our excitement level (perhaps aided by the sugar rush we were running off of from all of the consumed aforementioned apple cake) was similar to that of a group of young brides awaiting the return of their husbands after a long deployment in the Navy circa WWII. 

Ahh. What a group. What a weekend. What golden sun upon yonder South Carolinian Island breaks. What a tragedy that it is now over. 

Tommy T

Something about the combination of going to see the movie Gravity last night (so good!) and listening to that Keith Urban song on the radio about 'taking the bullet' left my headspace a little dark before I went to bed. I woke up this morning at the tail end of a trail of scary nightmares that I'm having a hard time shaking. And as if things coudn't get any creepier, a lightbulb went out in my room right as I finished typing that last sentence, leaving me alone, downstairs, in the dark. Cool.

I'm trying to think of something funny to read, or watch, or listen to just to get my mind off of child murder nightmares (where does my brain come up with this stuff?!) before I head off to the gym and the first and only thing my sleepy brain can think of is Tom Haverford YouTube clips.

 Signing off. Happy Tuesday.

Ok. It literally just started POURING rain outside. Should I just get back in bed and start this day over?

Late Summer

I'm more than ready for this 85+ weather to kick it. And have been making sure everyone in the whole entire world knows it. But until that happens, I will continue to bask in the memories of a summer so long, it couldn't help but completely change my life. 

Come on, Autumn. Show yourself. 

Dat Cabin Lyfe

I'm none too outdoorsy m'self, but I gotta say, lately the cabin life has been calling my name. I keep finding myself daydreaming about graduating college, finding an old cabin somewhere and fixing it up one quiet, tree surrounded, wanderlusty moment at a time. I mean, can you just imagine the Instagrams?! If I'm really going to be honest here, this idea has gone a little bit past daydreaming and into some really embarrassing google searches of stuff like 'Cool Maine cabin rentals' or 'Underrated American cities with lots of under-appreciated character' or 'Cabins for rent by owner, cheap' or 'What am I doing with my life?'

Seriously-- can't you totally picture me living in Maine, though? Living on crab bisque and a prayer? I'd drive something like a Wagoneer and I'd be a key player in the local book club thanks to my signature artichoke dip that I'd bring to all of the meetings. Maybe I'd even fall in love with a lobsterman.

As glorious as creaky, hard-wood floors, single paned window views of my very own meadow, and the image of me living off the land and not having to shave my legs/armpits/beard for months sounds right now, one must ask oneself: Are these constructive and creative plans for the future or would My-Side-of-the-Mountain-ing myself just be running away from real life?