Thanks.

Oh me oh my.

I miss this. I miss sitting down and spilling it all. Typing and laughing to myself, but feeling like I'm laughing with you all too.

Do you ever have those kinds of friends that you are so, so close with and then through life, things change (the way life has a way of way too easily pulling off) and then it's like a Wednesday and you're in line at Starbucks you see something that reminds you of that person? So, you want to text them, but you wonder if in the time between way back when you were friends and now, this very moment, at Starbucks, you've somehow changed the truth of what your friendship once was-- you've polished it and put it on the top shelf of the trophy case-- and you feel like sending a text would be so random and weird and embarrassing. And, I mean, worst, worst, case scenario, they probably deleted your number from their phone. 'Sorry, who is this? Sorry-- I got a new phone and all of my contacts got deleted.' Ugh. I can't even... So you don't text them to tell them about the thing you just saw that made you think of them-- something you would have done impulsively a while ago.

About 75% of the time I don't send that text. But then 25% of the time, I do. And I don't think there has been one time that I've regretted sending that text.

Today, I'm sending that text.

Hi.

It's me.

It's been a while.

But I saw something today at Starbucks that reminded me of you.

Hi

I know, I know, I know.

I've missed you guys a lot too.

Every day I don't blog, I get a little angrier with myself knowing that in a few years, when I look back at this time and there is a big, huge, sinkhole of information on the fall quarter of my senior year, I'll be kicking myself. But, truth be told, I'm kind of freaking a little bit out about my life right now. There are huge changes that are happening every day when it comes to my personal life, or my classes, or my senior project, or the fact that my imaginary mental life goal line for maybe the last 10 years (that is the end of college) is fast approaching and all of that has been very hard for me to handle. The other day, I was in the car talking to my friends and I said something like "Next year, on my birthday, we need to..." and then it suddenly hit me that next year, on my birthday, 'we need to' isn't really a thing anymore. And so I started waling in dismay. Which changed nothing. Who the heck knows where I'll be in a year? (In case you're curious, the short list of contenders in my mind happen to be New York, LA, Somewhere in Maine, Paris, or unemployed in a tent in my parents back yard) (Some of those are based in reality, while some, clearly, are not.) Anyway, I feel like I've been blogging less because maybe the things that I am blogging about are 'lasts' and it makes me sad. Actually, delete that part in the last sentence where I say 'I feel like' and 'maybe' and replace them with 'I definitely have' and 'for sure.'

I've been falsely keeping myself distracted with overcast thoughts about my future with many things, but mainly these things:

Allegiant- the third in the Divergent Series of books by Veronica Roth. It all ended with Allegiant. I mean... the ending... I'm not going to ruin in... but woah. Didn't see it coming. Put me in a complete tailspin for a good 48 hours.

Running- I mentioned this before (I feel like I'm not really on top of my creative writing groove) but I've been pretending to like running for the last two months. I thought surely by now I'd be totally into it. But I'm so not. I'm going to keep doing it because I keep telling myself it has to be making some sort of difference (although I'm not convinced) but I don't have to like it.

Napping- what's new?

Homeland- this show is so good. It's the kind of good that makes you talk out loud to the TV screen and the characters when you're watching it alone in a room.

And then also- Turning my space heater on the 'oscillator' setting and just going to town for a few hours. Back and forth. Back and forth. This might come off as cocky, but I'm a pretty good starer.

No, but seriously about that whole Paris thing. Why the hell not? The only French word I know is 'Cronut' but I could pick it up pretty quickly, right? What are your guys' thoughts?